As long as I have been alive and aware of what dating is, dating has been a complicated, messy, dangerous ordeal. Meeting people you were interested in could be difficult. When you did meet someone, they could be the exact opposite of what you wanted in a partner. You could want different dynamics in a relationship, you could have some fundamental incompatibility, they could be hiding some weird shit from you until they felt like they had you hooked. That still happens now, but it's different. It's worse.
Since the world experienced a global pandemic, it feels like people have largely decided to drop any pretense of decency or politeness and to just show their entire ass to the rest of us.
Dating apps are designed to keep you paying for premium services. Bots make up a portion of the profiles, with different aims. People lie about their body type, height, their jobs, their likes and dislikes. They use old photos, ai, photo editing software and snapchat filters to catfish potential matches. People lie about their values and beliefs to gain access to sexual intimacy they would never otherwise have access to. Women are reduced to pornographic categories and fetishes. Men are reduced to ATMs. Dishonesty and disrespect run rampant on these digital meat markets.
None of that even begins to touch on the insecurities, feelings of inadequacy, loneliness and the resulting lashing out that is caused by those feelings. Online communities are cesspools and echo chambers. Accountability is non-existent. Lies make it hard to trust anyone enough to let them get close.
This blog will have advice and observations. If there's anything specific you want to discuss, please reach out and let me know.